Excerpts from the book tentatively titled 'How to become a real programmer '. or ' Why do programmers have more people ' or something else, something.
The classification of users on the benefits brought by.
Of course, we are talking about the benefits that users bring to programmers, not the company - about the benefits let them think SEO departments. HR. and other useless unit, saturated graduates. MBA.
some abusers. Quake. and. Unreal. programmers find that users as a class are absolutely useless and you should think about their complete elimination in the future, however it is an obvious inflection. To paraphrase a famous poet- analyst: ...
So what kinds of benefits bring users?.
The very first thing that comes. to mind is money (and not drinking, as some might think ). money. In any case,. as long as we live in a society where in addition to programmers, there are other people who are very important.
The second most important after the money is. psychological training. The meaning of exercise becomes clear once we remember that all users are identical in every branch of their proportions, habits and organization of repeated. That is, studying users in one office, you can safely go to work in any and all of you will be familiar and habitual.
That is why at the beginning of professional programmer should be run in some unimportant, but a relatively large office, where there is all kinds of users ( ideal for small factory middling or provincial research institutes). Be sure to plan your workout - remember it was you found a sparring partner, and do not let them impose their game. The plan of training as a mandatory minimum should include: disputes with his superiors, bullying users ( it would be good to bring tears to the accountant's allusions to the correlation parameters of its figures and formatting skills. Excel. ), Pushing the project is absolutely unnecessary and viewing porn in working hours with full sound ( recommended for this product. Private. ).
It should be noted that throwing a wall of monitors and keyboards demonstrative slamming head on the head should be postponed until the last day of work ( after the calculation!).
It is recommended to throw away after training work book work and move to another city (and you thought, why so many programmers in Moscow is going? ). Most importantly - do not get carried away and accidentally fall into a secret society of fellow masochists. Both can lead to the fact that you 'll stay forever on this work, spending all their time thinking up insulting nicknames to his colleagues, and mocking the users, and by the end of the life of society is something more abruptly hit the Marquis de Sade.
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In addition to the money and training, users can greatly affect your. career. You can not imagine how many programmers have become thick ushers in black. S. 600, well just put a couple of simple toys. very large boss. (of those who ride Metro- 2, or at least to the. Pullman. s).
The second case is a career insider. Inside - is the use of private corporate information for personal purposes. In general, most large companies and banks in particular have not ruined, for two reasons - firstly, the programmers who work in them is enough decent people to just pump out all of the assets and deprive the board of directors of their warm seats, and, secondly, they are too .
In this case it is all the evil done using Terminal Server from an Internet cafe.
In general, we must remember that by getting a job in the right company, and making friends on the ground game. Lines. with good non-poor people, you can not just decide to money problems, and ensure their children safely to and including great-grandchildren. On the other hand, we must always remember that other programmers, too, could think of to exactly the same ideas and to pass this way before!.
And the last favor which bring users - it's clean our world from a programmer failed instances, spending. sanitation. Unfortunately, some irresponsible software vendors have made the development of software is so simple that even a fool can use it. According to the modified law of Archimedes, the fools are replaced by the work that corresponds to the volume of their brains, so the ... Remediation is usually done in one or two parts of the company, a collection of specially trained people with sadistic. They quickly will bring any dropout programmer to think that it 's time to change jobs to a more appropriate: a janitor, vacuum, or hiring manager, in descending order of the requirements for intelligence and education.
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Programmers users =?.
In this book we have repeatedly mentioned the relationship of programmers and users, but that's the exact definition of what to call this relationship has not yet been given.
It is obvious that with such a diverse range of users ( as we shall see later that the varieties of programmers is also not less), to give an unambiguous definition of relations with the users can not.
Therefore, we consider the most common types of relationships with users, and dear reader let him pick up the best combination for your event.
First, the first is the most popular way to communicate. Maybe... all seen the movie ... Mortal. Combat. ... Actually it is difficult to call the film - no plot, no sense in it No, but there is a mass of concrete, advanced and very intense ...
I suspect that in fact this film is an allegory on the theme of automation of the enterprise, it illustrates all the characteristics of its stages: a) recruitment of personnel from the street on the principle of consanguinity (... ahhh! . ... You must save the world!. Yes, three! . ... very intense, beautifully decorated, but completely pointless activity. ). Especially good final scene, where there is an enormous cloud of mug someone wrong ( the big boss of the main customer) and said that everything was done wrong and have to redo the entire project.
So, the most popular way to communicate with users of programmers is ... simply put, ...
fighting. Is undoubtedly the best way to communicate with users of the programmers (for programmers). First, in the development of train various skills like the ability to rub their feet in the jump points to two heads of departments of the customer, and secondly, it allows you to assemble a team of professionals and cool to play. Unreal (Quake, CS, etc). in between. milestones. project, and, third, 3-4 iterations, this leads (sometimes) to develop a good working solution, and (sorry, that getting ahead of ourselves - fantastic on a different floor ).
However, it should be noted that the fighting is only possible with strong support on the side of the programmers - the big boss of the level of not less than Deputy. Director, which hinders attempts to boss other areas specifically suppress these ... (oh, horror! ) the corporate dress code.
Unfortunately, quite often fighting moves to another category of relations, which can be called ... Faking. ... We will not result in films that are associated with this process, we can only note that children under 16 to watch such films are not allowed. And... in severe cases up to 21 years.
Faking is characterized by a very bad relationship to the programmers. Favorite question guide -. ... Unpaid processing, low salaries, ...
This attitude, of course, is most often found in the deep provinces, where the number of employers in the IT field is very limited. By the way, in this situation are not just programmers, but also other employees of the creative work of technical.
It is unknown why some employers are practicing this approach to employee. Relatively recently, becoming the owners of the new capitalists have forgotten about the conditions of labor not only what they learned in the classroom for scientific communism in night school, but it seems even think that they were in the past - that serfdom was still approved by the law, and go to another . Fortunately, it is not, and tickets are sold quite freely, and the sooner these companies will get new, more educated owners, the better.
Anyway, let's finish the sad lyrical digressions. After all, there, there are offices where the relationship between programmers and users are full of tenderness, love and mutual benefit. No, it does not automate the brothel, as it was thought many of the readers ( by the way, Vova, hello!).
First of all, the type of relationship is the so -called ... bears hibernate. ... No, not in the sense that it is necessary to suck his paw, and huddle in cramped office. On the contrary, the situation is ... Maximum requests that come from users - is to change the mouse or burn them to a new toy for your child. The maximum of what they want programmers - is to hire a secretary to the reception prettier blonde. with a bit fancier forms, to have someone to bury itself in soft downy hair, gently covering the knob, showing how to. Excel. summed up the cell....
Of course, such a sweet prospect opens mainly in ... Also, this can grow raspberries in remote branch offices of foreign companies, but only as long as employers do not pay rates calculated guess, not from their average rates across the world, and on the local level. I suggest here that such a raspberry can quickly covered by a surprise visit by the Regional Director, nenaturala, which will go in its inspections on the sofa at the reception. - But do not want to write here about all sorts of things netraditsinnye.
Special subspecies ' wintering bears ... British Royal Family. ... But in any of the royal family may receive its own Lady. D. (still do not know who it is, but I suspect that this language razrabotchitsa. post. -. C. ? . Just... do not ask why - just is a historical necessity that the first person substituted programmers.
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By the way, few people know that de Sade was one of the first French programmers. Unfortunately, when computers were not enough, and it worked all the time Ada, Pascal, and here was a lot of users, so the poor guy de Sade, in desperation to implement workflow automation in the Louvre, addicted to porn sites. Incidentally, the Trial at porn at the time were much longer than it is now - for example, de Sade managed to even write a book ...
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Of course, after the release of this book that have sanitation departments heavier than before, as any who can read can read it and mimic the behavior of this programmer. But they have some stock in trade secrets and advanced developments to identify fraud.
In the next series - '. The truth about software development methodologies, or what his wife concealed Yourdon and DeMarco '.
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